Kids want structure. No, really they do! But children also learn to manipulate. Even the nicest kids. It's all part of learning how to deal with others. However, every parent knows that we need to be a step ahead of our kids or we'll soon find ourselves many steps behind. Instead of trying harder to control your child's behavior, why not try smarter?

How many times have you asked your child, "WHY did you do that?" The answer is often a very honest, "I don't know." Much of what kids do is basic instinct and reflex. If it feels good, they do it. Sometimes, however, they do things on purpose, seemingly just to press our buttons. Instead of asking your child why s/he did something, you can usually figure it out by how you feel. Then you can make a more effective response.

Of course, parents want to keep their children safe and happy. But, if experience is the best teacher, then it is logical to assume that allowing children to learn from mistakes is a good thing. Avoid the pitfall of rescuing your child instead of allowing him/her the luxury of learning from mistakes. And it's okay to ignore or walk away when your child tries to engage you in an argument. Without an audience, many behaviors disappear. Use the chart below to figure out some better ways of responding to your child's misbehavior.

Adapted from Systematic Training for Effective Parenting: The Parent's Handbook" by Don Dinkmeyer, Ph.D, and Gary McKay, Ph.D.